Tuesday, January 17, 2012
2012 Family Goals / january introspection
here's what we're working on:
*have a gospel sharing home
*read book of mormon every morning with kids before school
*be able to do the splits (daily stretch)
*Em: help kids be more polite, more thankful & more responsible
*Em&Henry: read together for 30 minutes after school
*Em&Henry: be able to do a pull-up
*think of others more than we think of ourselves
*Nate: be early
*Family Home Evening every week
*Em&Nate: weekly date
so far we're doing pretty well. (of course we are, it's january 16th.) except my shoulder is really sore and i'm losing hope for a pull up. and nate had a campout with the young men this weekend, so our date night happened at subway. with the kids. and my father in law. it was romantic ;)
i'm not sure if it's january and goal setting, or just what, but my brain is dizzy with introspection and evaluation, and effort to make plans that will yield progress. i'm always prone to anxiety, but for the past couple of weeks i've felt plagued by it. i just think and worry and put pressure on myself and analyze and wonder and question and, and, and...until i feel halted and unsure about how to proceed.
so i'm trying to relax; i've never had to be so deliberate about it.
i've started listening to this meditation every day (sometimes several times) to help me put my thoughts in the right place. i think it is so beautiful. it is helping me so much to direct my energy towards the kind of person i want to be and the kind of life i want to create. i am really trying to be more mindful of both of those things - who i want to be. and the life i want to live. i am trying to be more powerful over my thoughts. it takes so much effort to change thought patterns that have been my default for 20+ years. and the introspection and growth are every bit as painful and stretching as trying to do the splits. but it is so invigorating to try. and to have tiny victories. and on the flip side, it is so hard to fail. i had a really bad day with the kids friday. major meltdowns all around. lots of yelling and way too much anger and "uncontrolled words." friday night i felt so defeated and just wretched, really - especially in light of the fact that i'd been committing myself to change and striving for improvement. but the sun shone on saturday and i apologized to my kids and we had a better day. and sunday was pretty good, too. and today was really good. really good.
so tonight i'm feeling hopeful. so thankful for new days and new years and the really wonderful fact that we can change.