Tuesday, January 17, 2012

2012 Family Goals / january introspection

all kinds of stretching going on around these parts :)

our goals are written up on a piece of paper and magnet-ed to the fridge, but that piece of paper will probably get lost. so i want to have them documented here, too. this is not an attempt to make anyone think we're pious or neat. we're not. i just want to be able to read back over them in a few months to see if, in addition to surviving the day, we're making any progress toward loftier aspirations. one thing we've been doing that's working well (nate's idea, most of the good ones are :) is taking the list down every monday night and evaluating our progress. for some of the broader, more nebulous goals, we try to set a smaller, measurable weekly goal to help us stay on track.

here's what we're working on:

*have a gospel sharing home
*read book of mormon every morning with kids before school
*be able to do the splits (daily stretch)
*Em: help kids be more polite, more thankful & more responsible
*Em&Henry: read together for 30 minutes after school
*Em&Henry: be able to do a pull-up
*think of others more than we think of ourselves
*Nate: be early
*Family Home Evening every week
*Em&Nate: weekly date

so far we're doing pretty well. (of course we are, it's january 16th.) except my shoulder is really sore and i'm losing hope for a pull up. and nate had a campout with the young men this weekend, so our date night happened at subway. with the kids. and my father in law. it was romantic ;)

i'm not sure if it's january and goal setting, or just what, but my brain is dizzy with introspection and evaluation, and effort to make plans that will yield progress. i'm always prone to anxiety, but for the past couple of weeks i've felt plagued by it. i just think and worry and put pressure on myself and analyze and wonder and question and, and, and...until i feel halted and unsure about how to proceed.

so i'm trying to relax; i've never had to be so deliberate about it.

i've started listening to this meditation every day (sometimes several times) to help me put my thoughts in the right place. i think it is so beautiful. it is helping me so much to direct my energy towards the kind of person i want to be and the kind of life i want to create. i am really trying to be more mindful of both of those things - who i want to be. and the life i want to live. i am trying to be more powerful over my thoughts. it takes so much effort to change thought patterns that have been my default for 20+ years. and the introspection and growth are every bit as painful and stretching as trying to do the splits. but it is so invigorating to try. and to have tiny victories. and on the flip side, it is so hard to fail. i had a really bad day with the kids friday. major meltdowns all around. lots of yelling and way too much anger and "uncontrolled words." friday night i felt so defeated and just wretched, really - especially in light of the fact that i'd been committing myself to change and striving for improvement. but the sun shone on saturday and i apologized to my kids and we had a better day. and sunday was pretty good, too. and today was really good. really good.

so tonight i'm feeling hopeful. so thankful for new days and new years and the really wonderful fact that we can change.

1 comment:

  1. I can so relate to the anxiousnes. Having a highly introspective personality is a blessing, but sometimes a curse!