Needless to say, in light of the health concern, I've been particularly mushy about my family. I know I've written this before, but truly, all I want is to grow old with Nate and be part of my childrens' lives for a long, long time. That's it. Everything else will be icing.
Monday: was chilly and drizzly. I spent the morning in an anxious fix, cleaning my house in preparation for a babysitter who was coming to watch the children while I went to a doctor's appointment with a breast specialist. I haven't written anything about this on my blog, but nursing proved to be all kinds of dreadful for me this time around. And the complications of weaning were even worse - mastitis, 3 rounds of antibiotics, lots of mysterious and meandering pain (up into my shoulder, out to my armpit, deep into my chest). I worried myself into a hypochondriac's dither about the possibilities. Six months after I quit nursing, I was still having pain and making milk, so my OB recommended I see a specialist. The appointment was mind-easing if nothing else. (No breast cancer). I'm now on some medication that's supposed to stop milk production and it seems to be helping, but we'll see if it really takes care of the problem. I hope so -- really, really hope so. I've also had some pretty bad allergies so I've felt all skeewampus in the chest/lung area, it's been hard to discern one problem from another.
Tuesday: I'm pretty sure we stayed in the house all. day. long. on Tuesday and by the end of the day, the house looked like it never wanted to see us again: messy from front door to back. I let the kids have a bath in my tub (with jets!) They loved it. When we drained the water Henry told me it sounded like a "monster was gurgling in the drain." Lily's been so sweet lately, one night she even let me rock her all the way to sleep -- she usually dives for her bed after a few minutes of rocking, but one evening (i can't remember which one), she just pressed her face right into my chest, twirled her feather-hair through her fingers and we rocked 'til she surrendered - . One of my favorite family rituals is how every night when I go in to rock Lily, Henry wriggles his little buns into the rocking chair next to me and asks if he can "help me rock her." He chooses the lullabyes we sing. When I say it's time to put her in her bed, he always insists on one more. "She's not ready to be in her bed yet, mom. She wants one more song." We sing one (or a few more) and put her down for the night. I love how Henry wants to be part of the whole process. He is such a kind big brother. Their little bond is blooming into something so sweet and funny. It seems that the joys of motherhood keep compounding and I'm happy to ride this pleasant wave as long as it lasts.
Wednesday: we did a "tyke hike" with Elizabeth, Sam and Noah in the morning. We got lost on the way to the nature preserve (oops!) but we managed to catch up with the group. While we were lost, Henry assured me it would be okay, "if we don't find our friends, we can just go to a park that has 'binoclears' and I'll go up on a high hill and look for my friends. Then we can just drive right to where they are. It'll be fine." It was so good to be outside, no buildings, no stores, just the willows and the ant hills and the puffin hearts. Henry had a hard time slowing down enough to listen to the park ranger who was teaching us about the different plants along the trail, but I think he had fun. He sure loves Sam - he always tells me, "Sam sure is a funny li'l guy - and I think he really likes me." We ate our snacks and played 'til our chins quivered with chill, then we went home, got cozy and stayed in all afternoon, unless we slipped out to the grocery store - I can't remember. I skipped enrichment (Pieces of Peace) as I really felt that the thing that would bring me the most peace would be to stay home with my family. So I did. And I had peace :)
Thursday: we got some bummer news about the sale of our house. Seems like it's resolvable now, but we'll see. After the news came in, we decided to duck out of town for a weekend of fun with cousins down south. I would just like to say that I won the cousin-in-law lottery. Kristen and Rebecca are two of the neatest women I know. Truly. They both inspire me in many ways, on my many levels. We chatted 'til nearly three in the morning on Friday night about everything from our worst dates to our testimonies of the atonement, to our feelings on Prop 8 and the church's statements on gay marriage, to D&C 121 and parenting with love vs. sternness.
Friday & Saturday: were just full of laughs and adventures with cousins. And a drowsy drive back home.
In general: I am really trying to focus on being present in my life, filling my time with meaningful things, and keeping cyber-life (e.mail/blogging) in its proper "compartment." Last Sunday night Nate and I had a little chat about technology, how it's so subtly invasive on family time. I realized that I have changes to make. I'm trying to make them. Some days I do better than others. Today was good. I'm thankful that my husband is so perceptive, so fierce in his defense of our family.
Our house is half boxed up. The walls are mostly bare. It's a little sobering and dull. (Only thing more dull than my walls is this post - blah). But really, even in the midst of all the cardboard, the upheaval of our routine, and the uncertainty of our future, I am content, in love with my life. Lily just woke up, maybe a bad dream? And from her bedroom, I hear the quiet soothe of her dad's gentle voice, "you are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy..."
What's not to love?