Ode to Tile

After staining the cabinets a shade oh, so pretty,
We felt our "wood" floor looked quite a bit shi ... gritty...

So late Monday night we started the ripping.
We pulled up the wood, and then came the chipping...

Of schmeared, hardened glue that plastered the floor,
After seventeen hours we could scrape no dang more!

Phew! I thought, as I wiped off my brow,
Surely the worst part's behind us by now.

But then there was measuring, cutting and mortar,
I was wrong to think those parts would be any shorter.

We stayed up one morning 'til past three o'clock,
To old Elton John tunes and jams we did rock .

Then came the grouting -- a royal mess!
My advice to you is: Use way, way less.

I scrubbed up the excess for five (or more) hours.
And Nate and I went for three days without showers.

We were stinky and tired and prone to a curse,
But doing the labor was kind to our purse.

And more than one time, when I slumped in a funk,
I couldn't help smiling at this rugged hunk.

His strong, dusty body was nice on my eyes.
Never once did I wish for a handy-man Ty.

We put our intestines through five days of hell,
No one should exist on just Taco Bell.

But when oven and fridge are out of commission,
You've got to be tough to survive the conditions.

And we did it! We did it! We're finally done
Having beautiful tile is really quite fun!

Now, if you're considering doing this gig,
Let me just warn you that it's really BIG...

And harder than you would ever believe
Worse, really, than you could even conceive.

But if you're courageous, and have all the gear,
We'll give you some tips; we'll stand by and cheer

But if you need help?
You won't find it here.