Thursday, November 11, 2010

Little Darling

Dear Lily,

What I really need to do is post a video clip of you because your charm can only be conveyed with the sound of your voice, the darling way you pronounce your words, and the hilarious expressions on your face when you make your wishes known. But I don't have such a clip and one of the saddest thoughts in my life is that this little voice of yours and all your special pronunciations and inflections and expressions and going to evaporate in the passage of time. And I'm going to miss them terribly. I'm going to miss two year old Lily Jane "Willa-lums" terribly. So I want to immortalize a few bits of her, of you - just some pieces I can use to reconstruct the essence of this time when it only exists in memory and in the sporadic chronicles of our family story.

After our visit to the science "eye-seum" (museum) today I just felt like I wanted to kiss your cheeks. A lot. And you let me. You are so amusing and sweet and darling and funny and busy and determined and sassy and darling. Sometimes there are little moments with you that just tangle me up inside. I don't know how else to describe it - everything in my head gets muted and fades, and all I can think about is what a delightful little soul you are and how lucky we are to have you.
I love you so much, sweet girl.

I love it when you examine my face, touch my earrings and tell me I look "prahty" while I buckle you into your carseat. And then, if I am chewing a piece of gum, you ask me for it.

I love it when you slip away from the bar after breakfast and return with one of your skirts on, all twisted around and rumpled. You love skirts. I think this has something to do with the fact that Katie & Mary Cropper (your mortal heroes) usually wear skirts and you're already bent on emulation.

You also love your plastic "fancy shoes." The other day one of your fancy shoes got a sizeable crack in it. You brought it to me, crestfallen - announcing that it had an owie and needed a bandaid to help it feel better. We fixed it up as best we could and the blue electrical tape used in the repair hasn't deterred you a bit from wearing them everyday when we walk Henry to the bus stop.

I love it when you ask me for something, (lately it's been the cashews in the pantry,) and I say no and then you get pouty and resentful and ask me to please go away for a "little why-lul," thinking that maybe if you can just get me to disappear for a minute you can sneak those yummy nuts yourself :)

I love how you ask me about everyone you've ever met - "mom, where's baby lucy?"
"oh, she's probably at home with her mama."
"oh. where's baby max?"
"well, he's probably at home with his mama, too."
"Oh. where's avery?"
"she's probably..."
we can go on like that for quite some time, you and i. i am amazed at the people you remember -- people we only met briefly, months ago -- they're still there, tucked away in your memory to be inquired after occasionally.

i laughed when i changed your diaper this afternoon and you said, "ew. that smells stinky! that smells a little bit like diarrhea." and then I laughed out loud and you asked, "I crack you up?" And I said, "Yes, you crack me up." And you said, "I crack myself up, too."

I love to read Curious George with you and watch you find the little froggy on every page.

I love it when we get to go to the grocery store on Wednesday morning after we drop Henry off at school, just us girls. And you point out everything you see. "Oh, there's the bananas! There's some crackers - those look yummy!" "There's some silly-sol (cereal)." "Foot-cacks (fruit snacks)!!!" You're a pickier eater than your brother - doing irksome things like picking all the olives and salami out of your pasta salad then pushing the rest away. but you have a few favorites I can always count on - blueberries (any kind of berry, really) cheese, "bread and buttow," chicken (usually), salad (believe it or not - you love it!). And oranges. I'm quite certain you would happily eat your way through an orange grove if left to your own devices.

I love to watch you hush and rock and sing-to and snuggle your babies. it's amazing to me the way those instincts are just built-in, part of your package. and you don't need a dolly to mother - the other day you were wrapping up two ball-point pens, putting them carefully in your little stroller and caring for them just as attentively as if they were your own, live young.

Sometimes you sneak into our bed in the night without dad or I even knowing it. you're mouselike in those little footie pajamas. but you don't go undiscovered for long - you sleep like a windmill. dad and i quibble over who will put you back in your bad (he always does it). and we sleep the rest of the night in peace...until you make your morning appearance, fuzzy headed and sleepy eyed, petitioning for you morning "baba of mee-owk."

maybe my favorite thing of all is when you ask me to hold you while you drink your bottle. it doesn't happen very often, but sometimes when you're really tired (or cold) you ask to be snuggled. i love that. i also love it when you ask me to lay down with you for a little "whi-lul" at naptime. I kick off my shoes and sidle in next to you and your body gets squirmy with excitement and you say to me, "This is fun!!!" It is fun. We have a short chat, usually about all the little lovies you've brought to bed with you (Lambert, Lamby, a baby, a green beany-baby bear, your pink teddy...). We sing a few songs. Sometimes I catch a few winks with you, but most days I hurry off to get a few things done while you're quiet and still.

there are a hundred other things, at least. but that will do for now.

Moon & back Lilsey-loo,



  1. "Sometimes there are little moments with you that just tangle me up inside. I don't know how else to describe it - everything in my head gets muted and fades, and all I can think about is what a delightful little soul you are and how lucky we are to have you."

    I know exactly what you mean!

  2. Oh this is perfectly put! I know just what you mean too.

    Its heartbreaking to think they won't always be just like this today.

  3. What a sweet letter and a darling girl. She's beautiful, Em! Just like you.

  4. Em, this is so sweet. Thanks for sharing it.

  5. What a precious little girl Lily is! I am just now getting a chance to catch up on your blog and I love the autumn pictures and the things you were able to do with your family. What fun memories! And I can definitely sympathize with you on your relationship drought. It was so hard to have Dave gone almost always for an extended period of time. I wish Nate the best on his test and hope you get your hubby back very soon. Miss you guys!

  6. I have a very soft spot for baby girls, they are just soooo sweet!

    Also, I need your new address for my Christmas card list. Cam you email it to me?