Sunday, September 7, 2008

My Favorite Day... today. by far. today is also my least favorite day. by far. is that possible? on the one hand i am so glad you were born. so glad. on the other, i fall short every year, failing to show my love for you in a way that any onlooker would ever think "he loves her," or, "how charming," or, "what a lucky girl."

well that onlooker would have to look at more than just today. he would have to watch me go to work every day so you can be comfortable in your home and have a "fun fund." he would have to watch me get up at night (all right, only some nights) with lily, hoping that you sleep through it all, knowing you'll be tired tomorrow. he would have to know how much i hope your days go well, that henry behaves, and that your body doesn't hurt. he would have to know as i look into your eyes how pretty i think you are. very pretty. he would have to know how much i love your kids, our kids, and how much i want to be a good dad. because they deserve a good dad. because they deserve someone who remotely, although faintly, even hardly, is on par with their mother. he would have to know how hard i try. to be good. and to do what's right. and he would have to know that largely, among other reasons, i do it because i want to change. and i want to change mainly, among other reasons, because i want to be better. and i want to be better primarily, among other reasons, because you deserve better. a better me. the best me. i hope i'm getting better. for you.

to know what i feel for you, to know what you are to me, that onlooker would have to do what that onlooker simply cannot do. he would have to see into my heart, feel what i feel, and know what i know. and he can't do that. because he's an onlooker.

but you're not an onlooker. you can see into my heart. you can feel what i feel. you do know what i know. and you see and you feel and you know that i love you. that the space for romantic love in my heart is full. full to bursting, as they say. with you.

so today is my favorite day. because this is your day. a day to remember that we are lucky that you are here, that you are you, and that you are with us, on our team.

i love you emily anne. so does henry. so does lily.

from all of us, happy birthday.

mr. williams

* he hacked in (unbeknownst to me), wrote, and posted this. cute. it was a birthday surprise. cute. just didn't want anyone to think i typed up his b-day letter and posted it on the internets. i've done a lot of dumb things on this blog, but i wouldn't do that. um, did i mention that i thought this was really cute?

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