There were maybe--maybe--five days in February that found all three of us healthy. We were sorely afflicted with everything from retching stomach bugs, a violent influenza strain that the flu shots missed, bronchitis (still hanging around like an unwanted chum,) mysterious twenty-four hour fevers and a throbbing lower back ache, (admittedly self-inflicted -- five month pregnant ladies shouldn't paint guest rooms in a race with the nap-time clock.) So I've been a little (read: A LOT) more pressed to find reasons to smile because with every new manifestation of illness, it has been my first inclination to shake my fists at Heaven and wonder, "WHAT FOR?" Now that we all seem to have our airways functioning at optimal capacity and have kept our temperatures under control for three consecutive days (knock, knock, knock) the little blessings and smiling moments are easier to unearth:
Henry asking me, while laying feverish on the couch, "Mom, can you make me a samwich that will make me feel better?" (Anyone know such a recipe, for future reference?)
A completely unexpected phone call from Henry's nursery teacher asking if he could come play with her on Saturday night. Do you know what that meant? That meant that Nate and I got to go on a completely unexpected date this weekend and Henry got to play with the woman he loves almost as much as his own grandmothers for three happy hours. Do you know how happy that made us? Hmmmm? Nope. No characters on the keyboard to communicate that kind of happiness. May your kindness come back to you a hundred fold, Connie.
Re-learning that being a good person doesn't exempt you from suffering. Remembering that Christianity, by virtue of the life for which it is named, has to be hard. If it wasn't, we'd have to call it something else.
Remembering all the times I promised God that if I could just get pregnant again, I wouldn't complain about any of it...and trying not to when my back was screaming curses at me for over doing it.
Realizing that it is (and was) silly to barter with God.
Loving my parents with a bigger part of my heart. Is that even possible?
Looking forward to St. Patrick's Day, which will not only give us an excuse to dye the milk green, but also reveal to us the mysterious gender of our little incubating friend.
Looking forward to a visit from my mom and sisters. In some ways the end of March can't come soon enough. In some ways I never want it to come...'cause then it will end. And they'll leave. And I'll have to cry some lonely, IDon'tWantToLiveInTexasTears. But then I'll get over it. And maybe I'll even have some adornments from Sam Moon dangling from my ears to remember the fun by (?)
Loving the Nectarine and Coral Flower smell of my new shampoo and the squishy gel handle on my new hairbrush. And having a hairbrush (and fewer snarls) again after mine went missing a week ago.
After a lot of dickering, with a voice that barely existed, finally getting our health insurance worked out. And realizing that it would cost a couple hundred dollars less each month than we budgeted for. Yessssss!
Fresh compassion for the afflicted.
Fresh gratitude for a lifetime of stamina and health.
Finding an important piece of our marriage puzzle that had been missing since conception. (The one that makes me want to kiss Nate again. Hate it when that goes missing. So does he.)
Helping Henry brave his first night in the big-boy bed. Feeling happy that there's another little one on the way...in some ways it's hard to watch little ones turn into big ones.
Remembering the Law of the Harvest. Remembering that I'm always sowing something (happiness, grumpiness, love, contention, selfishness, gloom, cheer...) Trying to sow more mindfully.
Catching a glimpse of our new guest bed in my periphery and feeling like "real people" to finally have a Sealy and a box spring to put company on. Come see us, everyone! We have a real bed for you!
Reading this (click "this" it's a link) and wishing I could sew. I can learn (?) And in the mean time, how lucky that I have creatively brilliant, sewing friends. And other friends. Also brilliant. Sometimes my heart feels like it's going to burst open for all the gratitude I feel for my friend collection. I have some gems.
Time to sow another day...