Feeling

So much sadness about what's happening in Myanmar and China.

Touched by Nate's example of generosity -- foregoing the purchase of desired running shoes to send his birthday money to the relief efforts. I know that's something I should keep private, but seeing as how one of the primary purposes of this blog is to have a written record of family life to give to my children, that story needs to be inked into permanence.

Thoughtful about what I can live without so someone else can...live.

Perplexity about all the one-passengered, over-sized SUV's still congesting the roads when gas is almost $4.00/gallon.

Joy over our sub-$100 electric bill that arrived yesterday. Loving mild weather. Wishing it could stay. Knowing it won't. Dreading the impending stifle of summer's heat.

Tickled about the discovery and purchase of this CD.

Tender about the dwindling time I have with just Henry. How could I not feel tender about a little boy who provides me with daily exchanges like these:

(While driving in the car.)
Henry: Mom?
Me: What?
Henry: Mom, I like you.
Me: I like you too, Henry.

(and while snuggling on the couch after his four hour post-father/son-camp-out nap)
Me: Did you have a nice rest?
Henry: Yeah.
Me: Did you have sweet dreams?
Henry: Yeah.
Me: What did you dream about?
Henry: I just dreamed about how much I love you.

And then I want to kiss his face off. And pause time.

So excited to meet this baby girl. Astonished at how much I already love her. And how nervous I already am about the issues she'll confront in her lifetime. Especially her adolescent lifetime. I should really buy some Rolaids and relax. It's like I told Nate when he went into anxiety-induced muteness for three hours at the announcement of the femaleness of this child, "Hello! She's not even born yet. Stop worrying about the losers she's going to date and if she'll marry well and just be excited about pink and dresses and hair clippies." But all this love and concern that's unconsciously accumulated for her makes all that "not worrying" easier said than done. That, and the fact that I'm my father's daughter and it's burned into every helix of my DNA to worry about stuff.

(cleansing breath) So glad it's Friday.

And so glad that I'm the boss of this afternoon 'cause as soon as I push "Publish" and release this little explosion of random thought into the ether, I'm going to lie down for a nap.